Old Age and Change

I recently was chatting with a 20-something year old priest who made the comment that "old people don't like change". Ten years ago I probably would have agreed with him. Twenty or thirty years ago I probably said basically the same thing. But at this point in my life, I begged to differ.

It seems like we make a lot of proclamations about what old people like and don't like. The thing about old age is that those of younger ages have not experienced it yet. True, old people can make proclamations about young people that are off, because they have not grown up in the same socio-economic-cultural climate or they may have misremembered their own misspent youth. But old people have a context--they have been there. Young people have not been old.

Let me give you my credentials before I proceed with my argument that this usually empathic and very wise young priest is mistaken. I by no means have the perspective of someone who is in their '80s or '90s. But I am of an age where my friends are becoming grandparents and I am no longer the youngest person in a class or in a meeting at work. Sometimes I'm even the oldest person in a group. So I have experienced that sense of "you guys are making generalizations about people my age and you have not been there. And you are wrong".

This is why I don't believe that old people don't like change. What I have experienced is that as you get older, you have a higher investment in things the way they are. To make a change from those things requires some careful study of the pros and cons of that change. Old people definitely have experience with going through change--much more than someone in their 20's. They have most likely lost someone or ones dear to them to death, which is a huge change. When you get to be 90 there is not much chance that your parents will still be around. There is also a chance that you have lost a spouse, either to death or divorce. Sometimes after fifty + years of marriage. Think about someone who is 95 years old who was the youngest sibling in a large family, and all siblings are gone. Whether that person likes it or not, he or she has experienced and adapted to change.

Let's take a look at this word "like". As in "prefer". Often when we talk about old people being RESISTANT to change, it is a change that is being forced on them. Think about being asked if you want to move out of the home and community where you have lived most of your life. Think about being asked if you want to buy something very expensive when you are on a fixed income. Think about being asked if you want to give up driving. Now think being being asked if you want to find a new way to do a hobby that interests you. Think about being offered a chance to look your best.

The context for the conversation with the young priest was the question of changing a church service to a contemporary format. Now, church is an area that some old people find gives comfort, support, and meaning in their lives. The liturgy, the hymns, even the coffee hour after the service can be anchors in an otherwise forced change world. But what about if an old person were given a CHOICE--might they, like a younger person, be inclined to consider their options? Might they possibly try out the contemporary service and then make an informed decision which service they would prefer?

The young priest in question is the future of the church. The church focuses on young people a lot these days, and well it should, but not to the exclusion of old people. Maybe old people need a little more time to think through changes. But think through change is not the same as not like change. Do old people like change? Some do, some don't. Do young people like change? Some do, some don't.

I think the young preist should try out the contemparary format to see what everyone in the congregation thinks. Some will like it, some won't, but there's more than one church service in a Saturday or Sunday. My experience of contemporary services is that they attract an age range from sub one year old to ninety plus years old. I also think that the young priest should look hard at the untrue beliefs that he holds about old people, and prayerfully consider what Jesus might do. I wish I had done so when I was younger.